


the history of us

by fated_addiction



Category: K-pop, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Romance, i live for aus y'all, omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4727024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Fact: Taeyeon does not believe in, subscribe to, or measure her life by fate. It's too painful and she has learned the hard way to teeter her choices safely.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Everyone knew that Taeyeon was never going to stick with mathematics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the history of us

**Author's Note:**

> I should really be doing a million other things, but I'm not and oh well because I am just having too much fun doing these AU prompts. Seriously.
> 
> For the prompt 'jessica + taeyeon' and 'drunk texting' -- thanks, anon!

Fact: Taeyeon does not believe in, subscribe to, or measure her life by fate. It's too painful and she has learned the hard way to teeter her choices safely. 

The first time Taeyeon meets her coincides with the last time she meets her, as if it were meant to be all the same.

This is important.

 

 

 

 

Hyoyeon introduces them when the party starts, just before four girls turn into a mob of strangers she does not know.

"This is Sooyeon," she says, shoving a paper cup with what probably is some kind of cheap vodka into her hand. The girl standing next to Hyoyeon just looks amused. "Or Jessica," Hyoyeon says too. "But only call her Jessica when she's being a bitch. It's kind of fitting."

"Fuck you," Jessica-Sooyeon says elegantly, which is both weird and impossible at the same time. Hyoyeon blows her a kiss and bounds off, leaving them alone.

Taeyeon takes a sip of vodka. The back of her throat burns and she starts to notice things: Jessica-Sooyeon has really, really pretty eyes.

She clears her throat. "How long have you known Hyoyeon?"

The other girl shrugs. "Since a literature class I took with her our first year? I think? I don't know. We sat in the back though and that was that."

It makes a lot of sense. Taeyeon takes another sip of vodka and then finds herself following Jessica through the growing crowd into the kitchen, and then corner of the kitchen by the sink. There is an open window and a breeze coming in, which makes her sigh with some relief. A couple more weeks until the summer is over, she thinks, and then it's her last year and graduation and the weight of impending adulthood that she's been dreading since forever.

"Stop drinking that," Jessica murmurs, taking the vodka from her hand. She drops it down the sink and wrinkles her nose. "That girl, I swear," she says too.

"I liked it," Taeyeon protests weakly.

Jessica turns to look at her. Taeyeon will notice three things then and there: it's the light that hits her face and she looks ungodly soft (she isn't), serene too, and the intensity of her eyes are going to get Taeyeon into a lot of trouble. She hasn't had enough vodka to think about kissing her, or the fact that they're at party and of course, there are a million different places to disappear to if she were that brave and that smooth. She wonders if she should call her Sooyeon.

"You're a liar," Jessica says, amused.

She's right, of course.

 

 

 

 

They date the entirety of their last year of university and break up two days after graduation. It's not amicable; their fight is quiet but just as sharp.

"Tell me to stay," Jessica says. Her eyes are bright. There is a bag at the front door of the apartment. Jessica doesn't live here. Taeyeon does.

"I can't," she says. Her coffee is folded in between her hands. She can't look at her. There is a lump in her throat. "You've wanted to go to New York since I met you. I won't do that to you."

"Oh don't _patronize_ me, Kim Taeyeon."

Taeyeon looks up, just as sharply, her mouth set into a frown.

"I'm not," she protests. Her feet shuffle forward. "But I can't do this with you when you're a billion miles away and don't know if you can come home -- just like you can't expect me to shell out money to visit you every weekend. It would be different if you were staying nearby. Or even going to Japan."

She is being pragmatic, she tells herself. She could say I love you, or I want you to stay but I don't think you'll be happy, or I love you and I don't want you to resent me. All these things are at the tip of her tongue. They stick to the roof of her mouth too; she is going to regret this later.

Instead, she puts her coffee mug down on the counter. She moves forward and takes Jessica's hand. She squeezes it and leans forward, on her toes and brushes her mouth against her forehead.

"I'm sorry," she says. "Sooyeon, I'm sorry."

There is a crack in the other girl's voice.

"Don't call me that," she says.

 

 

 

 

Years can translate into a lot of things. There are other women, beautiful women, women that she takes home and keeps in her bed, who she starts to write songs about because, well, let's face it -- a degree in mathematics is really the worst fall back plan anyone's ever had for her.

She learns a lot about herself that way. She is the best at being in love, falling out of it, and pining, if only that. It's Tiffany that introduces her to the right people, that says "This is my best friend Taeyeon and she's ridiculously talented -- she is going to be the one that writes my first solo album."

After that, it's history and a list.

 

 

 

 

Sooyoung invites her to drinks.

"We're going to get shit-faced," her model friend greets her from behind the bar. Taeyeon watches in amusement as she turns and reaches for the most expensive bottle of champagne. "Because my boyfriend is dick, Hyoyeon's boyfriend is a dick, and, well, you still haven't slept with Tiffany yet."

Taeyeon groans, shaking her head.

"I don't want to sleep with Tiffany. It's too incestuous."

"Whatever," Sooyoung says airly. "Then --" she dumps champagne into a glass and shoves it into Taeyeon's hand, "We'll drink to getting you laid at some point."

Both women push their glasses together and down the champagne quickly. Sooyoung pours another round and Taeyeon squirms in her seat.

"Life isn't about great sex," she says dryly.

Sooyoung snorts. "Uh, yeah it is. If there were any indicating factor that you haven't been laid in a _very_ long time, eonni, that would be one. You gotta stop writing ballads. It's killing your perspective."

"Your boyfriend is --" and she sighs, delicately pushing, "a dick though."

Sooyoung grins. Her eyes color mischievously as she leans forward on the bar, resting her chin on one hand.

"He's a lot of --"

"I don't want to hear it," Taeyeon interrupts, groaning. "So don't."

"You should," Sooyoung counters. "Then maybe you'll stop writing stupid, sad love songs about the one that got away."

The things is Taeyeon knows she is not wrong.

 

 

 

Later she climbs into a cab and her head is spinning, as she manages to coherently pass on her address to the amused ahjussi.

She's left Sooyoung with her boyfriend and they are probably making up or making out and breaking up for the sixteenth time -- among their friends, Sooyoung and Yesung-oppa hold the record for the most consecutive breakups in month, after all. What's a new record, anyway?

It's going to be an hour drive though because Yesung's bar is in the middle of the city and Taeyeon is currently staying at a writer's retreat, paid handsomely by the company and Tiffany's power of, well, Tiffany when using her powers for good can basically convince anyone to do _anything_. She settles back in her seat and pulls out her phone, scrolling through her numbers.

Her eyes open, then they close. Her fingers start to move and suddenly, she is texting without thinking.

_i miss you_

In the front, the radio goes on and the ahjussi smiles at her through his mirror. She gives him a hazy nod and listens to the trot that he plays, trying to see if she can recognize the singer.

Her phone buzzes in her lip. Taeyeon blinks and picks it up.

_taeyeon?_

Somewhere between her name and the fact that she sent the text, it registers that it's _Jessica_ texting her back and not, like, her mom or little sister -- all the who the phrase can be applied to. There is a lump in her throat and she straightens, suddenly, in her seat.

 _hi_ , she types, _sorry_

She watches as the texting bubble appears, then disappears, and appears again and she is going to kill Sooyoung because this is why she doesn't drink. The texting bubble disappears and suddenly, her phone is ringing.

Taeyeon picks up on the third ring, pushing her phone against her ear.

"I don't drunk text on the first date," comes Jessica's voice and she remembers standing in that stupid kitchen in Hyoyeon's first apartment, Jessica's mouth against her ear and that _exact_ phrase.

"I didn't forget," she hears herself say and then there's a laugh in return. "Sorry," she adds, checking her watch. "Isn't it stupidly early over there?"

There is a pause. "I'm in Seoul."

"Oh." 

Her voice is small. Her hand claps over her mouth and she tries to remember why she feels like she should know this. It's so surreal hearing Jessica's voice. Sooyeon, she tells herself. It's _Sooyeon_. Her head spins and she thinks of things like pitch and tone, the long quality of her voice and how it changes when she says certain words.

"I had a little too much champagne," she manages, half-apologizing.

"That'll do it." Jessica's voice is full of amusement. "You were always a light-weight."

"If we're going to get into something about my height," she pushes back, "let me remind you that it was good for other things, Sooyeon-ah."

Oh god. Her eyes squeeze shut and Jessica's laughter greets her on the other line. The sound is full and bright and she keeps laughing and laughing and it's just a sudden, sharp memory of how much she really loved her.

"Idiot," Jessica breathes. "You're drunk."

"I know," she says sourly. "And I have to go to this retreat so I can finish writing songs for this album I'm working on."

"Tough life."

Taeyeon grins and it feels weird. "Shut up."

"Well, then. You should sleep this off when you get to your _retreat_. And drink a ton of water too."

"I forgot how nice it is to hear you worry about me," Taeyeon says and then stops, her eyes wide. The radio gets louder in the front of the taxi and oh god, _ohgod_. She should probably hang up now. She can't handle the sudden noise combating with the silence because this is her ex and talking to her like this feels like they never broke up and it's more like a dream.

Her hair falls into her face and she readies some kind of apology with her tongue.

But Jessica seems unfazed, beating her to it.

"Text me your address when you get there," she says. "I'll come by in the morning to make sure you're alive."

Taeyeon won't remember how she agreed.

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately Taeyeon is not the kind of drunk that forgets things in the morning after, nor is she the type that takes to her stupid decisions lightly.

She makes breakfast in the morning like she's preparing for battle. She checks her phone a million times, as if to verifying that, in fact, she did send Jessica the address to the place she's staying at and that she is, of course, coming. The house is pristine though and she even opens the french doors by the kitchen, letting in air and the view of the garden because suddenly, she remembers that Jessica has always loved flowers.

When the buzzer echoes through the downstairs, Taeyeon's heart launches itself into her throat.

When she opens the door, she remembers that it's spring.

"Hey," she greets, and Jessica stands in front of her, as real and brilliant as everything, her hair falling loosely and framing her face. She wears a half-smile and Taeyeon's nerves are amplified even more so than before. "You found me," she greets again and leans in, taking one of the bags from Jessica's hand.

"Always do," Jessica replies, even cheerfully.

They make small talk as they enter. Jessica tells her that she's almost done her fall collection (Taeyeon has a couple of pieces) and she tells her in return that she's got two songs to write for Tiffany's album and, admittedly, hates that she's stuck.

"You made breakfast too," Jessica says, dropping her bag on the floor and the groceries on the counter. She looks in amusement at the two plates, fried eggs and bacon and too much of an American breakfast for her not to like. Jessica's gaze is bright. "Are you drinking your water?"

Taeyeon points to the glass on the counter. "Religious," she answers. "My headache is gone."

"Good."

You look beautiful, she almost says. Her cheeks are warm. "Want to have breakfast in the garden? We can catch up," she says instead.

Jessica nods, brightening. "Sure."

It's bizarrely comfortable when the two of them grab their plates and coffee, heading out the french doors. She realizes that Jessica's feet are bare and it's almost romantic, especially when she sits on the bench next to Taeyeon, curling her legs to the side. 

She drinks her coffee first.

"You look good," Taeyeon says honestly. She bites at her lip. "Beautiful," she says and her voice is softer.

"So do you," Jessica replies.

"Not like you."

Jessica laughs and Taeyeon literally has butterflies in her stomach.

"Feeding me lines," she teases. She leans in, breaking off a piece of bacon from her plate and pushes it in front of Taeyeon's mouth. She can only open her mouth and close it, chewing as Jessica laughs again. "You need to eat," she chides too.

"I am," she protests.

"Uh-huh."

It's insanely anti-climatic for a reunion, she thinks vaguely.

They drift back into a silence, eating quietly. Taeyeon spends a lot of time watching Jessica, openly watching Jessica, dizzy with thoughts like 'what if we had stayed together' and getting drunk on various scenarios. It's terrifying how easily she fits back into her life too, sitting there and feeding her occasional bites from her plate.

"I meant it," she says, out loud.

Jessica puts her fork down.

"It was stupid to tell you drunk," she continues, tipping her coffee against her mouth. She hides a swallow, then puts the mug down. "It just sort of came out, you know? I mean, we could sit here and talk about the millions of times that I thought about calling you, or how I thought I should have stopped you, and for awhile, how I wanted other girls to be you and they weren't and that was kind of awful."

"Now I get why you stick to ballads," Jessica says dryly and Taeyeon laughs. It makes her cheeks flush again and she feels ridiculously warm.

"I can't help it," she counters. "You were the most terrifyingly real thing in my life. And now, here you are -- it feels like you never left."

Jessica nods. "I know."

She's quiet then, for awhile too, and Taeyeon reaches forward, brushing her fingers along the line of her jaw. It's selfish and lazy, but then she turns her hand and tucks some hair behind her ear.

"I missed you too," Jessica says. She turns on the bench that they share, straddling it. Her dress spills over her legs and hands loosely off to the sides. Taeyeon mirrors her posture, leaning on her hands. "We'll figure it out," Jessica says. "I'm not going anywhere. This is home, you know."

"Good," Taeyeon murmurs.

It's a sobering experience, the sharp need and reality of wanting to kiss her, then and there and how easy it is to close the distance. Taeyeon has never been the girl who is that impulsive -- she counters that with the people she surrounds herself with, the friends that she loves and carries with her wherever she goes.

Her hand still shoots out, curling along Jessica's jaw. Her thumb slides over her mouth and she leans in, fully intending on following through and trying, but Jessica beats her to it.

She kisses her first.

 

 

 

 

That night, in the kitchen, the two of them dropped Hyoyeon's vodka down the sink drain ("It's too cheap," Jessica muses) and stand side by side by the window, facing the cool air.

Taeyeon will remember thinking things like how pretty the plane of her throat is and that soft, ridiculous sound Jessica makes when her teeth bite lightly against her shoulder. They will both be dizzy and Jessica's fingers burn when they stretch over her belly, just as they grind into a corner to hide away from the rest of the world.

Later, older, Taeyeon will selfishly keep these memories to herself.

Until she has permission.

 

 

 

 

Tiffany calls after she submits the last two songs. This is a week later and there are no bags at the front door.

"Listen," she trails off, half-excited, more surprised. "I don't know who this Kim Taeyeon is, but, like --"

"I'm glad you liked the song," Taeyeon replies, amused.

She is sitting on the couch. Jessica's head is in her lap. There is a sketchbook on the coffee table and a few pencils have rolled off, lost to some place on the carpet.

Her fingers slide against Jessica's mouth and she watches with dark eyes, as the other woman opens her mouth and bites lightly at each of her fingertips.

"Can I meet her?"

Taeyeon laughs and the sound is husky. She shifts, bowing over Jessica then. Her hand slides away from her mouth, down her throat, and starts to trail between her breasts, right over the fabric of her t-shirt.

"May- _be_ ," she sings softly. "I'm taking a vacation first." She bites her lip, smirking. "Just don't tell Sooyoung she was right."

Tiffany snorts. "Just come back with more songs," she teases. She's serious too. "Maybe I'll get to do that sexy concept I've always wanted to do." Then, after: "Tell her to keep doing what she's doing and I can't wait to meet her."

"She says that you should keep being a brat, Sooyeon-ah," Taeyeon informs her and Jessica laughs, rather breathlessly, as Taeyeon begins to slide her dress up, over to her thighs. "It keeps me in line."

Jessica cranes her neck back and Taeyeon steals a kiss, her mouth hot against the corner of Jessica's mouth too.

Tiffany hangs up on them first.


End file.
